‘I'm Finding That I Can't'

I'm finding that I can't harness
The energy required to fight
I'm finding that I can't locate
The necessary strength inside
Now that every single thing
That happens in my life
Convinces me ever further
That humanity doesn't want me inside

I'm finding that I can't deal with
The sum of these emotional scars
I'm finding that I can't handle
The ghoulish spectre of a past
That amounts to an endless succession
Of humiliating encounters with the paths
Of those who have only wished
To kick me back onto the grass

It hurts like hell when you're not a beautiful thing -
You spend much of your allotted time reeling
And it stings like fuck to be born the resident scum
While some cosmic sadist elects to decorate your psychology with feelings

I'm finding that I can't persevere
Clinging to the edge of existence's cliff
I'm finding that I can't retain
The grip in my fingertips
Now that every new fact
That I learn about human nature gives
Me an increasingly infernal desire
To drive kitchen knives through my wrists.

 

© M.A.Tovey 2007