‘I Am An Inadequate'

If that ‘positive vibes' shtick works, I'd really love to know how
‘Cause I'm just waiting for the next little thing to come along and knock me down
And if I tell myself others will hate me, it will be a lot
Less crushing when they inevitably hate me…or maybe not…

So many people, when they become a little bit upset
The whole world's on tenterhooks about their predicament
But not I –
I'm a pitiful child

If anyone initially has the vaguest respect for me
It doesn't take much for it to evaporate quickly
All I wish for is a little self confidence, and I might be liked more
But having said that, in more lucid moments I've been prejudged as a conceited bore

So many people seem so convinced of their own excellence
And you never hear the slightest murmur of dissent
But not I –
I'm a pitiful child

I'm not the kind of character that encourages sympathy -
There's nothing about me that's worth knowing, obviously
I guess that answers your question why I'm trying to destroy myself –
Ending up a statistic is at least some kind of acknowledgement

So many people don't have a clue how it feels to relentlessly fail
To be a figure of ridicule or just not register on any scale
But not I –
I'm a pitiful child

It must be something I do to people –
My father was the first to identify me as evil
Well, in the context of the 1970s zeitgeist
I must have made Damian look like Jesus Christ
And so on, to being the most despised freak in school
And the dead end jobs I was hounded out of by power tripping fools
That I always treated others as I wished to be treated back
Was what made me a prime target for bullies and leeches all down the track

So many people never question their endlessly advantaged lives
While high on their own self worth; swollen with their own hype
But not I –
I'm a pitiful child
No, not I –
So this is “goodbye”
Oh, not I –
I'll fuck off and die.

 

© M.A.Tovey 2007